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Joke of the Day

"I have 3 moods: - Skips every song on my iPod. - Lets the music play without interruption. - Plays the same song on repeat for days."

"When I change my son I don't use diaper cream, I use anti-wrinkle cream. He'll thank me as an adult with the smoothest balls in history."

"It's not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER. It's the quality of followers."

"I don't always think I'm right....but whenever I think I'm wrong I tend to be mistaken."

"I hate and despise violence In fact, the very thought of it makes me want to beat the shit out of someone"

"There are 20 IT Professionals working on a government server 18 of them are Chinese"

"If I find myself at Paula Deen's house, I'll be sure to stay out of the kitchen. There's an oven in there. Jews in Stews #paulasbestdishes"

"you gotta hand to short people. Because they can't reach it."

"I submitted X puns to Reddit in the hopes that one would make the front page. No pun in ten did."

"Why are men like blenders? You need one but you're not quite sure why."