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Joke of the Day

"What type of shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans"

"What do you call an exemplary black housewife? Do'mestique"

"It's rude to ask someone to courtesy flush, so I always offer them an ass mint instead. I'm a gentleman."

"[Job interview] ""How would you describe yourself?"" ""I'd use the appropriate adjectives."" ""Anything else?"" ""Over-literal sometimes."""

"I got an empty fortune cookie the other day. It was unfortunate."

"I'd say I'm a down to earth guy... but that's mostly because of gravity..."

"Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail."

"Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents' job."

"Why do lesbians shop at Sport's Authority? Because they don't like Dick's."

"I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Twitter account, and I'm over it."