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Joke of the Day

"It's rude to ask someone to courtesy flush, so I always offer them an ass mint instead. I'm a gentleman."

"Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? A: You're too young to smoke."

"Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?"

"Hispanic magician: ""I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos"" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres"

"had anyone heard of the new patriot themed beer. I heard it wasn't that good, it was A little flat."

"What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest."

"Say what you want about pedophiles.. but at least they slow down at children's crossings."

"What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can sell her crack more than once"

"(starts to scramble eggs) ""THESE YOLKS WON'T BREAK! THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!"" (.0008 seconds later) ""Oh, ok."""

"I've run out of Christmas wrapping paper so I'm going to use 'Happy Birthday' paper and write 'Jesus' after it."