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Joke of the Day

"I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Twitter account, and I'm over it."

"What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me, I'm going in."

"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET Boss hangs a poster in Office ""I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"" He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk. ""Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."""

"How come they can send a lifeless, unfeeling robot to Mars, but that lifeless, unfeeling robot can't be @AnnCoulter?"

"Men treat women like objects. Weird men treat objects like women."

"Q: What's Slimy, cold, green, and smells like pork? A: Kermit the Frog's Finger"

"The phrase, ""Don't take this the wrong way"" has a zero percent success rate"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender. ^(Saw it on Reddit before, if someone can find source I'll link it.)"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"doc said my liver is failing but i think it's just not applying itself"