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Joke of the Day

"I'd say I'm a down to earth guy... but that's mostly because of gravity..."

"I wanted to set my password as madeline But apparently that's taken."

"Why do Communists only drink coffee? Because proper tea is theft."

"Direct quote from my daughter: ""I know horses can play soccer really well because they're fast."" Thank god she's pretty."

"Kick the can If you don't have a can, you can just play ""kick the can't""! Joke courtesy of my dad. Obviously."

"What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep."

"Meatloaf said: ""I would do anything for love, but I won't do that""... ...he means lose weight. -&y"

"My doctor asked me what I use to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases. . . I said: my face."

"there are some really great cocktails you can have when it gets cold. Gin and coffee, gin and hot water, microwaved gin, go nuts"

"How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet."