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Joke of the Day

"Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door."

"My SO thinks it's sexy to bite her lip... I haven't got the heart to tell her it should be the bottom one...."

"Who did they cast as the Hulk""s dog? Bark Roofalo"

"I hope there's not a huge turnout at my Claustrophobic's Anonymous meeting tonight."

"Wish triscuits would focus less on that basket weave design and more on not tasting like actual basket."

"What do necrophiliacs and alcoholics have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one"

"Been playing hide n' seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now."

"Whoever invented work should have taugh it to masturbate so that it could do itself."

"I'm glad my parents told me I'm adopted But I don't know why they tell me everday."

"What do you call someone who's only part Jew? Jewish"