156251

Joke of the Day

"Whoever invented work should have taugh it to masturbate so that it could do itself."

"Q: How do you make a peanut laugh? A: You crack it up."

"I bought my kids electric toothbrushes because it was taking too long to splatter toothpaste all over the bathroom w/the regular toothbrush."

"Guy at the cake shop: So is this for a friend? Me: No, it's for me. Apparently it's weird that I've had 9 birthdays this year."

"Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: ""I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp"" vs ""I cashier at KFC"""

"where do babies come from?? where the hell are they GOING is what i wanna know, folks!"

"Every now and then I see something that brings a little tear to my eye. Last night it was my wife wearing her strap on."

"Everyone has these expansive bucket lists Mine is a little pail in comparison"

"Serious question: can orphans watch PG movies? After all, they don't have parents..."

"(Possible trigger) I wanted to smoke a joint with some Mexicans today.. I asked if anybody had papers and they all ran."