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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad my parents told me I'm adopted But I don't know why they tell me everday."

"Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!"

"[turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won't be laughing when it's time to pick it all up"

"If your partner asks, ""Do you love your phone more than you love me?"" Lie."

"home alone: my favorite movie and also my hobby"

"My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break."

"I'm currently in a very serious relationship ,we don't even smile ."

"HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti."

"A man walks into a bar He got his penis out and was promptly arrested for public indecency."

"I'm really sick of making my dog a birthday cake every 52 days."