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Joke of the Day

"Funny how you go in to get a face-lift to look younger but just end up looking like other women with face-lifts."

"When ever a girl wears a shirt saying 'I Woke Up Like This' I resist the urge to say I'm sorry about that."

"What happened when the husband tried to deep fry his wife? She went to the battered women's shelter"

"What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in it's eye? Chicken caesar salad."

"Where do you find a one legged dog? Wherever you fucking left it!"

"My little brother is the sweetest kid. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Stillborn."

"When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this."

"What kind of murderer has moral fiber? A cereal killer."

"I like to knock on random doors and say, ""Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail."""

"Why do they say you are what you eat? I don't know but everyone calls me an asshole."