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Joke of the Day

"What did the otter say to the guy whose ankle he pooped on? ""Spraint your ankle!"" Just in case: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spraint"

"Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type 'Happy Birthday'"

"Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can't fire you if they can't find you."

"My signature move is asking a co-worker wearing a suit on dress down Fridays, ""how did the job interview go?"" in front of everyone."

"*tries to quietly check the football score during a home invasion"

"Why isn't there a middle finger emoji I swear I would use it 99% of the time"

"I bring our baby to the bar so I can throw her at people and slurp down their c**ktails while they're trying to catch her."

"My colleague was fired for stealing printer cartridges He was caught magenta handed."

"What happened when the composer got angry? He flew off the Handel"

"In biblical times, I would have given your dad so many goats for you."