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Joke of the Day

"When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this."

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"Why did the guy lose his job at the suicide prevention hotline? v2 He kept leaving them hanging."
"An environmentalist group found a place with the world's highest recycling rate... /r/Jokes"
"What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples? ""Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra."""
"Me: What do you call sex in December? Wife: Don't say it. Me: ... W: ... Me: Wintercourse. W: (to judge) See this is why I need a divorce."
"[Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?"
"How do you make a cat bark? Drench it with gasoline, drop a lighted match on it... Woof!"
"I've been thinking about you...Owl night long."
"Asian people, when surprised, look similar to white people who are staring into the sun"
"I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations but all brooms are pretty much the same."
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