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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in it's eye? Chicken caesar salad."

"What's the difference between starlings and swallows? Your mum doesn't starlings."

"Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor? Because he had no arms or legs. Why? Because he is a potato."

"You know times are hard when you call 911 for an ambulance and they tell you to have gas money ready."

"Who's the first Irishman to come outside every Spring? Patty O'Furniture"

"Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room 2) panic 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside 4)buy new spiderless vacuum"

"I have nothing to eat All i have is a bunch of old vegetables, but all they do is talk about Vietnam."

"I've survived enough awkward high-fives to know they're not worth the risk"

"Why did the pope have so many children? Because his condom was a little holy..."

"Why is dangerous to have sex in canada eh'ds everywhere"