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Joke of the Day

"GF's friend didn't keep my Valentine's gift a secret. So I had to embroider a towel for her too. Because, well, snitches get stitches."

"I like my coffee like my slaves Free"

"I hope that your text abbreviations become so short that you can soon send me nothing."

"I wanted cats. My wife wanted kids. So we got a dog."

"I was only young when I learned to count. It was odd at first, even then."

"I love sex. O wait, guess it's not a joke."

"The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds."

"One hundred bacteria walk into a bar... of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor."

"Want a slutty costume? Dress up as my professors, they barely cover up anything important."

"What does soylent green taste like? It varies from person to person."