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Joke of the Day

"One hundred bacteria walk into a bar... of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor."

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? Unlawful is against the law, whereas illegal is a sick bird. Note: This obviously works better when told than read."

"The only people who get more concussions than NFL players.. are their wives"

"My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991."

"What has 6 eyes but cant see? 3 blind mice."

"BREAKING NEWS: 23 injured while running with bulls. Authorities say injuries happened because folks were stupid enough to run... with bulls."

"I still don't understand how to avoid clickbait... Neither do you"

"Knock-Knock, Whose There? ""Peephole salesman!"""

"Dropped a Q-tip, but I caught it before it hit the ground. The ninja behind me said, ""Whoa."" Then we high-fived."

"""I could eat."" - How I answer most questions, even if they're not food-related."