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Joke of the Day

"Want a slutty costume? Dress up as my professors, they barely cover up anything important."

"how can you drop a raw egg onto concrete floor without cracking it? Anyway you want, a concrete floor is very hard to Crack!"

"My 5 year old has a filthy mouth. His favorite book is Winnie the Shit."

"Sometimes, I like to drink and play guitar..."

"That awkward moment when you're trying to get over someone you were never dating."

"LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out... You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older."

"met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen"

"70% of all university students identify themselves as procrastinators. .. The other 30% haven't gotten round to it yet."

"Here's to the kisses that I snatched, and Vice versa. Bottoms up fellas."

"Friday is just Monday with tits."