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Joke of the Day

"Want a slutty costume? Dress up as my professors, they barely cover up anything important."

"How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. 1 to screw it in and 2 to talk about how much better Neil Peart could've done it"

"Why are all those people running? A: Why are all those people running? B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup? B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running?"

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a **shitzhu**."

"If it ain't broke, my children haven't touched it yet."

"Halloween is great bc kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal"

"Every time I clean out my fridge, I get pissed off about the stuff I forgot to eat."

"Which dog can tell time? A watchdog."

"I could tell you a joke about Bill Murray in Japan; it would be lost in translation."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it."