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Joke of the Day

"Wear green for St Patty's Day! You don't wanna get punched! -You mean pinched [flashback to the 6 people I punched earlier] It's pinched?"

"He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab."

"Who called it the NHL instead of the Just Ice League"

"What was Hitler's last two words? Oy Vey!"

"This house is Not going to clean itself. Apparently, I'm not either."

"Did you hear about the competition between Volvo and the other Swedish car manufacturer? It's all just a Saab story, really."

"This years Olympics in Rio is going to be one of the most steady and relaxing Games in history No one will be Russian."

"How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Don't be silly, Californians screw in hot tubs!"

"Stevie Wonder walks into a bar... and a chair, and a table."

"Why is it wrong to be on the left? Because it's not right."