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Joke of the Day

"Harassment Teacher: Frame a sentence using the word 'Harassment'. . . . Johnny: I was in love with a girl and Her Ass Meant a lot to me......."

"*pulls up to window* Me: *on phone* Ok, so you want a chocolate shake also? Ok, I'll get two then. *phone rings while its at my ear*"

"A Priest walks in to a hotel to check in... And he asks the clerk at the front desk, ""Is the pornography disabled in my room?"" The clerk responds, ""No, it's regular porn you sick fuck!"""

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."

"What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen? Activates its shelf destruct sequence. I'll see myself out..."

"Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!"

"when I see a Facebook relationship status 'it's complicated' I imagine love through wormholes over tens of thousands of years, alien biology"

"[CAVE] BABY DRAGON: Dad, I hate trolls! They are disgusting, evil creatures! DAD DRAGON: Just push them aside and eat your vegetables son."

"What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? a pok-e-mon!"

"What's the real reason Lego Movie didn't get nominated for an Oscar? They thought it was called ""The Leo Movie""."