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Joke of the Day

"So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his foreskin He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed."

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"If I ever become rich, you know where all my money is going? To the bank"
"This joke is may be too vulgar for reddit... nsfw [Removed]"
"Jim: I'm totally spacing out on a word. Me: OK J: What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink? M: Linda."
"Welcome to Twitter - if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you."
"I heard you can turn soup to gold... You just have to add 24 carrots"
"Women are good for 70 things. cleaning house, and 69"
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as nice as this time last year."
"I know I have 19 items in the 15 items or less isle, but I'm pretty sure the tampons, painkillers, cheesecake and tequila count as one item."
"I know you didn't sneeze. I said ""God bless you"" because your baby is ugly."