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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor called my dog fat the other day. Took me two hours to convince my dog that he just had thick fur."

"What happens to superficial people when they die? They end up in a shallow grave."

"A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. ""Cool, where'd you get that?"" says the bartender. ""Africa"", replies the parrot. ""They're all over the place."""

"Office Scare Prank"

"Q: How does Bill Clinton say ""I'm about to hurt you""? A: ""Trust me."""

"I only wear dresses on sad occasions, like funerals and weddings."

"Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into twitter."

"They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn't mean to eat it. I don't want to be a bug."

"deeply analyzing what you meant when you texted ""k"""

"[Phone rings] Babysitter: Hello? Dude: Dont. Go. Upstairs. Babysitter: Wha.. What's upstairs? Dude: NOT MUCH, STAIRS, WHAT'S UP WITH YOU"