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Joke of the Day

"""I just can't wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house."" -Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning"

"Where do man-splainers get their water? From a well, actually..."

"Wanna hear an Ebola joke? You probably won't get it."

"What did Pongo say to Goofy at the Annual Disney Dog Conference? I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."

"Do you think Bradley Cooper will call his kids Mini Coopers cause I hope so."

"Three kittens were on a roof, which slipped off first? The one with the lowest mew"

"So my scatterbrained friend accused me of misquoting cliches... Isn't that the pot calling the kettle a racist?!?!"

"Girls are like math problems. If they are under 18, its best you do them in your head"

"Jared Fogle was 994.4 terabytes short of being a petaphile ayy"

"During our First Dance at our Wedding My new wife looked into my eyes and said ""Where have you been my whole life?"" I said ""SOBER"""