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Joke of the Day
"What does artificial light consist of? Fauxtons"
Next Joke
"Sorry I yelled ""GET A ROOM!"" at your grandson's wrestling tournament."
"[breakup] Who should get the cat? ""I don't know...let's see who he loves the most"" {3 weeks later} Can you tell? ""Nope"""
"What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep? Foreplay"
"Wanna hear my joke about the beach? I'm shore you'll like it"
"When you turn on a light and the bulb burns out it's because you suck and that bulb would rather kill itself than hang out with you."
"My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg."
"Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up."
"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who's up all night wondering if there is a dog."
"Did you know, the cave where Jesus was resurrected... contained a large quantity of hydrating body lotion? He was moist-jew-rising."