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Joke of the Day

"Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up."

"I'm not a recluse, I'm just playing hard to get with society."

"When's a door not a door? When it's ajar"

"It sings and drives John Travolvo"

"My abs are so perfect... ...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly."

"After 5 vodka and Red Bulls, you start wearing your Lindsay Lohan costume."

"Did you hear about the tumblr user who wrote a play about foxes? They called it Fennec-Kin's Wake"

"Why don't Nazi's like strip clubs? Because, they don't like Poles."

"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""

"Why was the potato chip angry? Because he was salty Edit: im so sorry."