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Joke of the Day

"One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk"

"I know they say faith.. I know they say faith can move mountains but we have all seen what it can do to skyscrapers."

"Did you know that the illuminati created golf as a way of harnessing the world's most valuable energy source? Angry old white men."

"So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird... ...Imagine Dragons."

"What do planets do to follow each other on SpaceTube? Sunscribe."

"Guy exposes himself with a boner and is arrested. How did he get off? It wouldn't stand up in court"

"If you lower your expectations, you can never be disappointed... Lower them too far, and you'll end up in line for the new iPhone."

"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called ""a lot."""

"When I say to my kids ""sit here and watch cartoons"" they hear ""come and bug me while I am trying to take naughty pictures for daddy."""

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the sausage."