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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that the illuminati created golf as a way of harnessing the world's most valuable energy source? Angry old white men."

"Is amazed how I go to bed with normal hair and wake up looking like a beat up version of medusa. Am I fighting crime in my sleep? Wtf."

"Why did mozart kill his chickens? Because they were always saying, ""Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach"""

"What do you call water that hasn't been changed? Still, water."

"I made fun of my friend for getting off to humiliation porn. He came."

"Why do French warships have glass bottoms? So that they can see the rest of their fleet."

"Why is it so important to fruits to get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"Santa is near .... ... I can sense his presents."

"*COPS* cop: there he is! get him! 'you'll never catch me! i'm translucent-man!' *goes translucent* cop: we can still kinda see you"

"I finally told her those three magical words every woman wish to hear.. I give up!"