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Joke of the Day

"I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple Sorry, wrong thread"

"Q: Why couldn't Tommy ride a bicycle? A: Because he was a gold fish."

"Doctor: you're never too old to start exercising Me: cool thanks i'll start in maybe like 15 years then"

"What do you call the new policing strategy of communities such as Ferguson, Missouri? A shot in the dark."

"As a Brandon, I'm constantly at war with Brendans. Do not confuse them with my kind. They are shit demons. Slaying them is my birthright."

"My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again."

"I met my town's bishop at Easter mass today but I think he might be an imposter... ... he didn't move diagonally"

"My sex life is like my baseball career I've never made it to second base"

"TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub."

"What kind of fun does a priest have? None."