111448

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about Draymond Green's new comedy road show? It's like Gallagher, but instead of watermelons he only smashes kiwis."

"What do you get when your iPhone auto-corrects ""lardass""? Kardashian"

"Houseguests should have a mandatory bedtime."

"The EU is like a box of chocolates; Nobody likes the Turkish."

"Some people came to my door asking for donations to the local pool. So I went and poured them a glass of water."

"What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? You take off your boots to jump on a trampoline"

"Relationship status: woke up next to an empty pizza box"

"""Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it"" [cut to: me wearing a toga and confusedly trying to conquer Gaul]"

"When someone is calling with your girlfriend... Take the phone and say: What has little balls, and hangs down? A bat. What has big balls, and hangs up? ...Then hang up the phone x)"

"I hate it when I think I'm buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they're just REGULAR donuts."