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Joke of the Day

"I'm having a completely dry January... ...no foreplay whatsoever. (Stolen from Gary Delaney's show this evening - great show Gary!)"

"What do you call spaghetti that carries a fake ID? an impasta!"

"How wonderful of you to... ...kick me when I'm down. You'd be a great LAPD officer."

"What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a pit bull? The pit bull will eventually let go."

"[son hands me a picture he painted a school] That's great. Let's just put that in the 'maybe has epilepsy' pile."

"? Hey there Delilah, this is dispatch please come quickly There's a robbery in progress Suspect is white & in his 50s And high on gluuue ?"

"I played golf with a guy in a wheelchair today He must not play much judging by the silence I was met with when I asked him what his handicap is."

"What does a homeless man gets for Christmas? A cold."

"How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express."

"Why is Barbie not pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box."