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Joke of the Day

"Q: Where do mentally unstable trees go? A: The insane a-xylem."

"How do you beat the Islanders? Give 'em a 3 goal lead"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change."

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"My only talent is sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed."

"Parallel lines have so much in common.... it's a shame they're never gonna meet."

"Think of how horrible Ray Rice and the NFL had to act in order to make TMZ seem like brave investigative reporters"

"If the world is getting smaller why do postal rates keep going up?"

"Why is the peanut crying? Because he couldn't handle his roast"

"Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion? I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed."