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Joke of the Day

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"My son failed gym. But he unlocked every achievement on Left 4 Dead so it's a wash."

"Two things you should never do: 1. Run with scissors 2. Scissor with the runs"

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? Cause it runs in your jeans."

"What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur? A Lickalotopuss!"

"How do you know when a singer is at the door? First they don't know when to come in, and then they can't find the key."

"Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I'm hoping that she's having an affair."

"What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children? 1%"

"[me telling a joke] guy wearing a ""Make America Great Again"" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand."

"I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm."