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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of irony? An incongruity between expectation and result."

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"Vagina Steak (nswf) Today my husband asked me if my vagina was ""medium well"" yet? Pink but not bloody."
"The Barenaked Ladies have been pulled from the rubble alive, following the Nepal Earthquake. Its been One Week."
"Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations."
"So after how many speeding tickets am I qualified to be an honorary race car driver?"
"You're so ugly, Scorpion be like, ""Stay over there!"""
"If Bernie gets elected we should give him an honorary military rank. Colonel sounds right to me."
"I feel like something is missing from my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito."
"I was thinking about making a sodium joke ...but Na."
"The dalai lama walks into a pizza parlor... And he asks the cashier to make him one with everything."