194714

Joke of the Day

"I feel like something is missing from my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito."

"brought a knife onto a flight just so the security agents would tackle me because sometimes it's just nice to be held."

"What's the difference between me and an egg? An egg gets laid."

"Did you hear about the robot that was angrier than half of the other robots? It was in mean median mode."

"What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing... It just waved."

"me: *tries to help old lady cross the street* old lady: I have a boyfriend."

"Why did the newspaper cross the street? To get to the other side of the story."

"Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !"

"People that say ""money can't buy happiness"" either have no money or buying the wrong things."

"[Auto-shop class] ""Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van"" *raises hand* ""Or a truck"" *lowers hand*"