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Joke of the Day

"Any time you see a mass suicide case on the news, you can pretty much assume the assembly of an IKEA product was the cause."

"My penis was fired today... so if anyone has any openings I can fill, let me know."

"I had a turd the other day that looked exactly like George Bush. I shit you not! (It even tried to declare war on me)"

"Honey, I let myself go and gained all this weight to prevent other men from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you."

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Walks home."

"Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here"

"Once killed a man with my SuperSoaker. (I'd been pumping it for a REALLY long time.)"

"Why couldn't cinderella play soccer? She always ran away from the ball"

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it."