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Joke of the Day

"Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here"

"Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead"

"A cheap concert 50 CENT starring Nickleback"

"Can't trust em, y'all... http://imgur.com/gallery/OEtxUYb"

"15: MOM, WHERE'S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?! Me: Name THREE songs & I'll help you look for it. 15: ..."

"What happened to the fly that sat on the toilet seat? He got pissed off."

"Mom I am 15 now, can I finally wear a bra? No John."

"Did you hear about the fat chick I fucked on the elevator? It was wrong on so many levels."

"I threw some pills at my doctor I thought it would be a good idea to give him a taste of his own medicine"

"What did the human torch say before he cooked the beef? **FILET MIGNON!**"