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Joke of the Day

"I had a turd the other day that looked exactly like George Bush. I shit you not! (It even tried to declare war on me)"

"A man walked into a bar... ... and he stayed there my entire fucking childhood."

"Chuck Norris doesn't swim, water just likes to be around him"

"I was gonna make a joke about hitting the gym ...maybe tomorrow"

"A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leadind a kangaroo.""I'm worried about my husband doctor "" she said. ""He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo! """

"Failed long-term relationships are never a total waste. They teach you valuable life skills, like how to carve profanity into car paint."

"Whenever I see someone with a non-reusable water bottle I get a gun and shoot a nearby animal and say ""you did that"""

"What's the #1 horror movie in the far east ? The Sirens of the Rams."

"Just got a text from Bill Cosby ""Netflix and pill?"""

"Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs? Because only the top 1% can stay above water."