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Joke of the Day

"My penis was fired today... so if anyone has any openings I can fill, let me know."

"Hillary Clinton is a strong woman who doesn't need Bill. Besides, the FBI has been fingering her for a while now."

"[I see a cute girl reading a novel] ""Hi there. I couldn't help but notice-"" *points at book* ""That you support the murder of trees."""

"OMG you got a new boyfriend? congratulations, who is it this week?"

"This question is only for the fellas: You ever kick back in your man cave and think about what a strong feminist ally you are?"

"Pro tip: Do your makeup before you start drinking."

"When I meet a celebrity I like to bring a ceiling fan with me so I can be all ""Nice to meet you. Big fan""."

"IAN: Just how do fleas jump so high? ME: Your guess is as good as mine I: I reckon they wear tiny tiny Air Jordans M: Ok I take that back"

"What did the underweight onion say to the garlic? No more light bulb jokes!"

"It's so cold this morning I had to seperate my dogs poop into two seperate bags and use them as hand warmers."