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Joke of the Day

"An eight-year-old kid says t his dad ""When I grow up I want to be a musician."" The dad says ""I am sorry -- can't have it both ways."""

"Haha I made you click GOT YA"

"I accept your apology. Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you."

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Dirty Harry Barbie ...comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says ""Go ahead >giggle< Make my day!"""

"I think my daughter might turn out to be the next Martin Scorsese! (Her eyebrows are fucking terrifying)"

"What is the average lifespan of an owl? A little over 6 books."

"Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo Today ? Apparently they still have 500 million users."

"congrats to those who made it onto my ""Not A Lizard"" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum."

"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside I'm composing a strongly worded email"