67620

Joke of the Day

"congrats to those who made it onto my ""Not A Lizard"" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum."

Next Joke
 
"A guy is about to die Guy: How much time do I have left, doctor? Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what?! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years? Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5..."
"Donald Trump is still running for president because it is the only race he hasn't offended yet."
"[Dirty] Some more dirt was mysteriously added to my garden last night... The plot thickens"
"Hey fat people, a venti caramel mocchiato w/ whipped cream isn't coffee, its a sundae."
"What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your girl back, you get your truck back, you may even get your dog back."
"A ship full of red paint crashes into a island... The sailors were marooned."
"Me: I weigh 10x more than the cat and yet she trusts me completely. So sweet. You: Me: You: It's a lot more than 10x. Me: Don't ruin this."
"A little girl says to her mother, ""Mommy, I want to be a feminist when i grow up"" Her mother replies, ""Well pick one, Honey. You can't do both."""
"What did the boy with no legs and arms get for Christmas? Cancer"