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Joke of the Day

"I accept your apology. Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you."

"What's the difference between Stephen Harper and Rob Ford? One likes pipelines, and the other likes pipes *and* lines."

"When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny."

"Loads of people are lining up to buy my vampire teeth. Fang queue."

"Do regular squirrels think flying squirrels are super heroes??!"

"""R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to pee"" - Urethra Franklin"

"The death of Dumbledore helped me process the emotions I felt after losing my grandfather, who was also a well-respected homosexual wizard."

"How do you fix a broken pizza? Use tomato paste."

"Why Wasn't Hitler Allowed to Host Jeapoardy? He kept asking the contestants if their answers were their final solution."

"So I just found out my grandpa was in the Holocaust. He worked up in one of the guard towers"