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Joke of the Day

"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside I'm composing a strongly worded email"

"A man rings your internet doorbell.. Says: ""Can you spare 5 minutes to talk about Bernie Sanders?"""

"Which day is the most agreeable? Yesterday"

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? 7 Pirates are illiterate."

"January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, Cucumber..."

"Stranger:""Your tag is sticking out"" Me:""Does it say size 4?"" Stranger:""Yes it does"" Then don't touch it bitch,it's supposed to stick out"

"I didn't know what I was missing until I dated a vampire. They always beg you to let them swallow."

"What happens if you steal in Afghanistan? You get Talibanned"

"Whats the difference between a dead baby and a black man? A dead baby can feed a family of four"