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Joke of the Day

"The truth will set you free. Unless the truth is you committed murder. In which, the truth will get you 25 to life."

"*opens camera app on phone* *35 cats scurry under the couch*"

"I just want a man who'll drag me to the bedroom, throw me on the bed & do dirty dishes while I take a nap. Is that too much to ask for?"

"So, a skeleton walks into a bar... ...asks for a beer. And a mop."

"Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car."

"I apologize for referring to your newborn baby as a Questionable Spinoff"

"My wife's got that good at bonsai, we're having to move to a house with a smaller garden."

"How many clones of president Obama does it take to change a lightbulb? What a stupid question: Obama won't change jack shit."

"My grandpa died in Auschwitz He fell down from the watchtower."

"It's not that I need Anger Management, it's that others need Stupidity Management."