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Joke of the Day

"So, a skeleton walks into a bar... ...asks for a beer. And a mop."

"Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: ""My dad wears shirts like that"""

"[wipes brow] ""Finally finished YouTube."""

"[Ghost describing stalker to sketch artist] ""He was a yellow circle with a demonic mouth."" *holds up drawing of Pac-Man* *sobs* THAT'S HIM!"

"When I was a kid I wanted to become a pirate, and sail the open seas. But instead, I just ended up downloading a lot of movies."

"The Boy Scouts ended their ban on gay adults, which means that soon you'll be able to buy some delicious Boy Scout cookies."

"Why don't women get hit by trains? There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen."

"What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date? Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!"

"Ever step on a Lego and then kill yourself just to make the pain stop?"

"If you honestly think I want to hear about the details of your dream you're still fucking dreaming."