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Joke of the Day
"My grandpa died in Auschwitz He fell down from the watchtower."
Next Joke
"*helping son with math problem* [hour later] JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!"
"Kids so mixed... They won't show up in black and white pictures."
"Ask me if I have a banana in my ear. Do you have a banana in your ear? I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear."
"I went to the store for some flatbread... They had naan."
"After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number..."
"5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!"
"Canadians leaving south for vacation are like Americans escaping marriage, desperately trying to escape frigid temperatures..."
"How come when someone goes to sit down and the seat is dirty they use their hand to wipe the seat then wipe their dirty hands on their pants? What was the point"
"*sits perfectly still for a 12-hour portrait painting* ""Delete it."""