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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack he was wearing your perfume"

"On a scale of one to ten... ...you aren't getting a helpful measurement of your weight"

"Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down!"

"My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn't a good idea. The steaks would be too high."

"A client comes to a bank: My cheque was returned with a remark: ""Insufficient funds"". I'd like to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank?"

"Crack babies are really sad but meth babies are super productive."

"If you say ""My Cocaine"" out-loud, you are also saying ""Michael Caine"" in his own voice - MIND OFFICIALLY BLOWN"

"I've been sleeping with my pocket knife these days... It fucking hurts!"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the ""p"" is silent."

"So, there's a chicken and a frog in a library... The chicken shouts: ""Bok!"" The frog replies: ""Reddit!"""