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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take me a minute to get hard - I just got laid by a chick."

"I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs."

"""And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."""

"What do you call the guy who graduates last in medical class? Doctor"

"Life is what happens when you're busy choosing a filter for what already happened in life."

"85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the ""she"" in her story is."

"Space Cat: *furious as he knocks items off of a shelf and they just float in place, mocking him*"

"I recently visited Japan It was great until I confused Kabuki with Bukake. Slightly messier and more dudes...which is odd cause I thought Kabuki is an all male thing."

"What diapers should you put on a dead baby? Pamperspired."

"I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning... gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head."