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Joke of the Day

"I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs."

"A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller"

"A crossfitter, a vegan, an atheist, and a Redditor who always exposes reposts are all sitting at a bar... and I know this because they won't shut up about it."

"What do you call a seizure you have while mining? An ore spasm."

"The relationship stages;- :* :'("

"It's time to go to bed when you type the name of the website you are already looking at into your browser."

"A tall man and short man walk into a bar The tall man says ouch while the short man ducks under the bar."

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? Some women just can't stand seeing a man have a good time."

"I'm sick of people knocking on my door, begging. There's just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank........ I gave her a right fcuking mouthful."

"Ugh. ""What's wrong honey?"" My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*"