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Joke of the Day

"Why did little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Obviously not Sally"

"""What are you doing here?"" I just got fired from the circus ""Oh my"" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond"

"ISIS Awards Night The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed. Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight."

"They're making a movie about a Kamikaze pilot who wants to assassinate a Catholic Priest It's called ""Aryan vs Predator"""

"How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his whole family"

"I am a level 5 vegan.... I cant eat anything that casts a shadow."

"I got called racist for saying 'pitch black' The umpire disqualified me and told me I struck out and that the better thing to say would be 'Jamal, I'm ready for your fastball'."

"6yo:You can't eat chips before dinner! Me:YOU can't. I'm a grown man. I do what I want. *Wife walks in*: What's that? Me:WHAT? NOTHING. Huh?"

"Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs? He had too much thyme on his hands."

"What do pickles do to make themselves look more beautiful They get Vlasic surgery"