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Joke of the Day

"6yo:You can't eat chips before dinner! Me:YOU can't. I'm a grown man. I do what I want. *Wife walks in*: What's that? Me:WHAT? NOTHING. Huh?"

"What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society"

"I only complimented coz of no shave november Not sure why she got mad!"

"Whats the difference between a lawyer and a teenage boy? One is a master debater. The other is a masterbater."

"Two newborns are having a conversation... 1: You look worried. What's wrong? 2: It's about my Dad. 1: What about him? 2: I saw him with Mom last night. I think he's stealing my milk."

"I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about."

"The reason why Scientology can't be a religion? There are no 1,000,000 people that died because of Scientology."

"Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus"

"I like to throw bottles into the ocean with notes that just say, k."

"Coolest part of a space ship is the RADiator."