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Joke of the Day

"Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs? He had too much thyme on his hands."

"Her: I'm so wet Him: I'm so hard Eavesdropping alien: These people are bad at describing themselves."

"What kind of punch hurts children the most? A sandy hook."

"Just spent another day totally agreeing with everything pretty girls say."

"Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday?...""Moo!"" ""Bahhh!"" ""Quack Quack""...""Get the Fuk off that tractor!!!"""

"My grandfather was treated very badly by the Germans in WW2. Passed over for promotion time and time again."

"I was listening to ""Club Tropicana"" today... ... And it dawned on me. It's been ages since a heard a Wham! song. Come to think of it, it must have been Last Christmas."

"Playing that 'Y'ALL READY FOR THIS?' song on your iPhone, full blast while entering a public toilet stall, feels pretty good."

"A Jewish Coffee brand named... Hebrews It"

"[Emergency Room] MRS. PINATA: Will my husband make it, doc? DOCTOR *slurping on sucker*: We'll do what we can but he's lost a lot of candy"