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Joke of the Day

"For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates... ...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night."

"If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive... They'd eventually find me attractive.."

"Physicist Frank Wilczek states that there is life on other planets... Profesor Stephen Hawking maintains his position."

"What do you call a racecar driver? A racist"

"My dog is disabled so I have to hold him up when he pees. Long story short, I'm getting really good at writing my name in the snow."

"If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever."

"What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats? Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back."

"What do a gay man having sex and a pom pom have in common? They're both poofs on the end of a stick."

"My girlfriend is really loud during sex. I don't know why, she knows nobody is coming to help her."

"As my friend Joe's last wish I had him cremated and sprinkled his ashes into the coffee pots at work..all morning everyone had a cup of Joe"