170416

Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive... They'd eventually find me attractive.."

"What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!"

"[Bob Dylan giving singing lessons] I'd like you to sing it again, but this time plug your nose and put these 5 marbles in your mouth."

"This girl wanted me to take her somewhere nice to eat so I said, ""How about sonic?"" She said, ""That's not somewhere nice"" I said, ""It is if you go in a nice car."""

"Dad joke Daughter: Dad, do you know what a Dad joke is? Me: Of course honey, its what comes out of a dad egg."

"How do you kill a bear without a weapon? With your bare hands."

"Why is titty fucking a girl the most romantic way to make love? Because it's when you're closest to her heart."

"Never tell a joke to a kleptomaniac They take things literally"

"Q: Why is the banana the most popular fruit? A: Because of its appeal."

"I've reprogrammed my FitBit to allow for more me time. And by reprogram, I mean I've attached it to the leg of a deer. I was born to run."